babezone push

i'm wrong about a lot of things. this is where i write things without worrying whether they're wrong or not.

you are so many speckles from the past emblazoned in the present.
you are such a distinguishable yet indescribable hodgepodge of colors. pale yellows, pale light browns, grey-greens and a little white, all smeared together.
you are old flowers but not flower patterns. wirey outlines of white flowers.
all this, and the most infectious genuine smile a girl could have. you are truly great in so many ways and I miss you. sorry for subtweeting you on tumblr, but you’ll probably never read this anyways.

i just heard a girl sing the black national anthem. it was beautiful, and it made me feel very calm.

i’ve gone through a lot of difficult-to-put-my-finger-on changes recently that have made me feel ‘different’, overall. this is a regular thing, like the earth’s plates. 

they’re constantly shifting…and every once in a blue moon, something’s gotta give

and we see a big change on the earth’s surface.

for 4 years in a row, I was in relationships.  I loved one person romantically, with all my heart. when that came to an end, I quickly found someone else towards which i would direct my love. 

Since April 1st of last year, I haven’t been in this type of relationship.  I have loved a lot of people since then, but not in the same way as before.


For a bit, this was difficult to get used to. But now, I think it is really beautiful.  I’m really happy that I have changed in the ways that I have, over the last year and 4 months.  I love so many people now.  I fall in love all the time.  I can’t help it.  Sometimes I meet someone who I think is so great that I want to marry them.  According to my dad (who is very much correct), I am just getting carried away with infatuation. But my gosh, what a wonderful thing that is!!  I’m feeling so much love for many people.  I’m not approaching anyone saying “look, we were made for each other. i will love you forever”.  I’m just directing my love towards them in the most appropriate way I can.

this thought is so very incomplete, and it was purest at the beginning of this post.  this way of thinking will continue to change throughout my life, especially the next few years.

thank you, if you read all this. i appreciate that you were interested enough to make it through. i love you.

deux.

notangela:

the heat between skin cells radiates
off the tops of goosebumps that form
between two loves.
the passion fuels the chase
of tasting the sweet caress of another’s
between two sheets.
the comfort seals the kiss
that trails down their chests
between two beating hearts.

my mom just told me life is magic

i really want to kiss a girl right now

i kind of hate sunglasses.

i mean, sometimes i wish i wore them, because the sun can get painfully bright. but mostly, i hate them.

when i’m wearing sunglasses, i feel disconnected from everything that happens. every conversation i have, everything i see, seems so distant and imaginary. i feel like i’m no longer living in my right body. and the worst part is that i don’t even notice until i take them off - even just for a second. i realize that i’ve been missing out on the beauty of clear reality.

sometimes the sun is bright, but if we can’t grow up and deal with natural changes, we will just keep prohibiting ourselves from seeing the beauty and clarity of our surroundings.

i also hate when you, or anyone for that matter, wears sunglasses. i want us to connect. when i’m with you i want to look at your eyes, observe how they move, notice the little twitches they make when you react to things. but when you’re hiding behind shades, i can’t see any of that.

so yeah, i hate sunglasses.

the moon is full and bright tonight.

it’s like a streetlight way way above the city.

it’s shining in through my bedroom window, spilling over my ruffled bedsheets.

it’s thick and creamy.

when i saw it, as soon as i turned out the lights, i thought of you. i thought of how the light from the moon could represent my love shining down on you, through your bedroom window. i thought of how even though you’re not here, and even though the moon is different where you are, we’re still under the same moon.

maybe you’ll see the light from the moon too. maybe you’ll see it and you’ll think of me.

to be honest, i hope you do think of me.